No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
did you just send me my own nude
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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