Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
