I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
operation harelip BJ is a go
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
