I want to make a zoo with you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
