Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
