I cannot find my penis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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