How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
