Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
