the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
