I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
