Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
