Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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