Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
