we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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