Whod you bang
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm passing your future prison.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
