my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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