he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
