I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
