well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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