3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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