it was like eating out sand paper
nutella sex= disaster
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
