I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
