there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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