ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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