This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
