I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
