Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
