So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
