I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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