I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
