She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
