I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
