i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
