I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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