my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
