There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
