McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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