Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
