I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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