Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
