I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
