i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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