Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
