A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
