dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
