I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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