If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
