Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
