i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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