I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
